2011 Blockbuster Pre-Think

There's simply no natural reason to be blindsided by the movies. Not with this much buzz. And while the buzz is rationed by astroturfing marketeers, that's no reason to not pre-think your ticket dollars. Not when I'm here to filter out the false claims of disreputable showmen.

If you are one of the shrinking pool of picture-show enthusiasts who are able to outclass 90% of the theater experience at home using less than $2,000 US dollars, yet still leave your house on opening night, then bless your tiny little soul. You are the reason that studios even bother distributing at all. If they thought they could make a few more points, they'd bulldoze the cinemas and toss everything on some DRM pay-per-stream servers. Your children wouldn't know what popcorn was, and as the glacier melt rises to the level of your wall-mounted LCD, the last known print of Citizen Kane will fall into the hands of some anarchic Luddite band of post-apoc jerks, who will burn it to fuel their terrible battle cars.

But until then, here are some Possible Things to See:

Cowboys and Aliens
Rundown: J. Favs directs a nonbinding Daniel Craig in a FX-driven genre mash. Olivia Wilde, Harrison Ford, and Sam Rockwell lend power. The nerd world awaits with cautiously positive expectations.
Reason to Believe: Casting and Concept.
Reason to Sigh: Wild Wild West '11?

The Adventures Of Tintin: The Secret Of The Unicorn
Rundown: Bell, Pegg, Frost, Craig and Serkis team with Spielberg to produce a future classic family movie based on a rather obscure character - but marketing will handle that.
Reason to Believe: Steven Spielberg
Reason to Sigh: CGI

The Greatest Muppet Movie Ever Made
Rundown: The Muppets are reunited to put on a show at the old theater. We can expect songs and mayhem, and a few Muppet characters that have been rarely seen since the passing of the unique and beloved Jim Henson.
Reason to Believe: The titular legacy-salvaging return to a classic ramblin' Muppets style with some decent guest stars and a better level of music than the direct-to-video fare that Henson Studios has put out in the 90s and 00s. Your basic "this one will be good" relaunch.
Reason to Sigh: Steve Whitmire's inferior Kermit performance.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Rundown: Gary Oldman (and interestingly, Benedict Cumberbatch) in an adapation of John LeCarre's classic spy novel, previously adapted with Alec Guiness.
Reason to Believe: LeCarre novels generally adapt very well and are treated with an industry leading level of source material respect.
Reason to Sigh: The Russia House.

Sherlock Holmes 2: Steampower Boogaloo
Rundown: Holmes and Watson return for another similarly entertaining installment. This time Mad Men's Jared Harris is the mysterious Professor Moriarty. Steven Fry as Mycroft Holmes.
Reason to Believe: First one was decent, any lessons learned from the superior BBC series?
Reason to Sigh: The "superstar" era overexposure of Robert Downey, Jr makes me wish Jared Harris was Sherlock.

Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol
Rundown: Tom Cruise is back as Ethan Hunt in a big-budget action-festival that looks to be a continuation of the noisy, TV-era disavowment. Director Brad Bird takes the director's bullhorn. Simon Pegg, as all 2011 genre entries are required, is involved. For fans of ghosts and/or protocol, cross your fingers!!!
Reason to Believe: Bird's The Incredibles was very well done.
Reason to Sigh: It's a damn Tom Cruise Mission: Impossible movie where he shoots a thing and yells stuff in that high Tom Cruise yell he is so fond of yelling. Fans of the Peter Graves TV show have yet another opportunity to ruin a cocktail party.

Super 8
J.J. Abrams has some kind of nostalgic, spooky Spielbergian aliens n' kids thing in the works. Area 51 mythology meets a period, kid-driven adventure?
Reason to Believe: If the bar is set at Close Encounters/E.T., then even 75% success will make a great movie.
Reason to Sigh: Kids may employ J.J.'s patented shakeycam and lens flare cinematography when using the eponymous format. Might be the second coming of Signs. Biggest red flag: Kids.

Movies to Avoid as one would The Plague:


Transformers: The Dark Of The Moon - When will our suffering be complete? Where are the Go-Bots when we actually need them?

Rise Of The Apes - If it does not have a loinclothed Charlton Heston verbally abusing his simian captors, then it has no value. One can only shrug in disinterest or risk lunacy.

The Hangover 2 - Do you remember almost laughing at The Hangover when it was on HBO? Perhaps you will almost laugh at the sequel which is looking to be 2X more almost funny.

Captain America: The First Avenger/X-Men: First Class/Green Lantern/Thor/Etc. - The superhero moment is gone. I could think of no worse fate than having to sit though yet another grim yet silly myth/franchise building origin paint-by-numbers snoozer. Let it die already!

The Smurfs - I hear they rap!

Well, that's kind of it for now. I'll post again on this topic, revising and adding as more information becomes clear. Certainly I dissed a couple of future classics? Or blessed a true meritless bomb? Until then, get some sun.